Once you have your ideas recorded and solidified, it's time to take another look at the lyrics. Most larger cities have some sort of songwriters group where you can share your ideas and get some constructive feedback.
Be sure all your lines support the theme of the song. Each idea should support the chorus in telling the story.
A good lyric should read like a good poem, it should just flow. Read your lyrics out loud to yourself. If anything sounds or feels awkward, change it. Don't just make it good, make it great.
After your lyrics are out of the way and you have your arrangement finished, it's time to make the song exciting. This can be done in a number of ways. One way is to use harmony in the chorus. This can help the chorus stand out as the theme of the song. Another way to add flair and excitement is to modulate up for the last chorus. This keeps the song building to the end, and adds excitement.
Don't make your intro too long. Studies have shown, that the average listener loses attention after about 10 seconds. If nothing interesting has happened, most people will skip it and move on.